Relationship - FAQ (1 Viewer)


toki

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In order to more clearly understand relationships and your role in one, it is necessary to know the different types of love.

The Greeks used four main distinct words for love (7 altogether):

1. Agpe
2. Philia
3. Storge
4. ros

The Greeks used seven distinct words for love (top 4 are the main terms used):

1. Agpe

means love in a "spiritual" sense. In the term s'agapo , which means "I love you" in Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true unconditional love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros." This love is selfless; it gives and expects nothing in return. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit). Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for one's children and the feelings for a spouse, and it was also used to refer to a love feast. It can also be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. Agape is used by Christians to express the unconditional love of God for his children.

2. Philia

is "mental" love. It means affectionate regard or friendship in both ancient and modern Greek. This type of love has give and take. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. In his best-known work on ethics, Nicomachean Ethics, philia is expressed variously as loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity. Furthermore, in the same text philos denotes a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.

3. Storge

means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in "loving" the tyrant.

4. ros

is "physical" passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. Romantic, pure emotion without the balance of logic. "Love at first sight". The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love." It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction." In the Symposium, the most famous ancient work on the subject, Plato has Socrates argue that eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth, the ideal "Form" of youthful beauty that leads us humans to feel erotic desire – thus suggesting that even that sensually based love aspires to the non-corporeal, spiritual plane of existence; that is, finding its truth, just like finding any truth, leads to transcendence. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth through the means of eros.

5. Pragma (Mature love)

This was the deep understanding that developed between long-married couples.

Pragma was about making compromises to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance.

The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm said that we expend too much energy on "falling in love" and need to learn more how to "stand in love." Pragma is precisely about standing in love—making an effort to give love rather than just receive it. With about a third of first marriages in the U.S. ending through divorce or separation in the first 10 years, the Greeks would surely think we should bring a serious dose of pragma into our relationships.

6. Ludus (Playful love)

This was the Greeks' idea of playful love, which referred to the affection between children or young lovers. We've all had a taste of it in the flirting and teasing in the early stages of a relationship. But we also live out our ludus when we sit around in a bar bantering and laughing with friends, or when we go out dancing.

7. Philautia (Self love)

Within this term there are two types. One was an unhealthy variety associated with narcissism, where you became self-obsessed and focused on personal fame and fortune. The healthier type was involved with a love that enhanced your wider capacity to love.

The idea was that if you like yourself and feel secure in yourself, you will have plenty of love to give others (as is reflected in the Buddhist-inspired concept of "self-compassion"). Or, as Aristotle put it, "All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man's feelings for himself."

Unsure of your sexual orientation? Take the Kinsey Scale Test of Sexuality.


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FAQ
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  • How can I find real love
    Leave the past in the past
    When you meet someone new, leave any negative feelings or past heartbreaks just where they should be — in the past.

    You won’t meet someone by being a shut in
    Maybe you are that special person who can fall in love with your delivery guy/girl, but chances are you’re going to meet someone by getting out there and trying new things. Because you truly never know who you’ll meet.

    Give love a chance
    You know your type - Now try going against type. It just might be a perfect fit.

    Don't rush things
    Take your time in getting to know your love interest and don’t feel in a rush to meet their family and friends or have him/her meet yours. It starts with the two of you. Make sure this is someone you want in your life.

    Make sure they are someone to come home to
    When you’re ready to move in together you will discover how wonderful it is to come home to the one you love. Be prepared for some give and take—for example, over which of each others’ belongings stay or go.

    What’s up with a pre-nup?
    Remember that a pre-nup isn’t because you think your marriage isn’t going to work — it’s so you get to decide how your assets and everything you’ve worked for can be protected.

    Don’t focus on finding a partner. Focus on building a great relationship with yourself.
    If you want anything in life to work out, you must have a trusting and loving relationship with yourself first. This is the primary focus in my life coaching work, because a positive self-image truly paves to road for any happiness, opportunity, and lasting joy in life. Check in with yourself: how do you treat yourself? How do you speak to yourself? How do you hold yourself back and why?

    Replace anxiety with faith.
    People who have found real love, didn’t get permanently caught up in anxiety, believing they will never find love. Rather, they remember to trust in divine timing. Negative, fearful thoughts only increase anxiety and an anxious mind never speaks nicely to the self. Your thoughts create your reality, so by thinking negatively you're essentially manifesting what you don’t want. Train yourself to think positively, expecting the good.

    Believe (and really believe) that you deserve to be loved.
    This is a frequent underlying (often unconscious) limiting belief that many people carry with them: fear of not being good enough and not being love-worthy. It's the number one way in which many people sabotage themselves and their quest for love. If you don’t believe you're love-worthy, why would anyone else think that you are? You have to shed this limiting belief and stop sabotaging yourself with your thoughts about yourself if you want to find true love.

    Learn to receive the love that is offered to you.
    It's a bit counter-intuitive, but receiving is a much more vulnerable act of showing yourself to another person than giving. You are basically telling another person, “You make me happy,” which is both a very empowering statement to make and one that makes you feel vulnerable. The question is: can you show gratitude and pleasure to other people openly and without feeling ashamed or guilty?

    Let go of your checklist of must-haves for your ideal partner.
    While it’s good to know what you like and don’t like, you also don’t want to narrow your worldview and create stubborn tunnel vision. Must-have lists are formulated from a head space, but the head isn’t what falls in love or has compassion during inevitable tough times. Often, the qualities you will most appreciate and honor in your partner are the ones you didn’t even know you needed. Loosen up and trust that life will send you the love of your life!

    Give people the benefit of the doubt.
    Are you interpreting every ever-so-slightly confusing signal you get from a potential mate as an offense to you and a red flag or a sign that they aren't trustworthy after all? Or are you able to stop yourself from over-analyzing everything and believe that the person you have met has their heart in the right place? Believing in the good of another person, even if you have been disappointed, will make your life much more free and joyful. Don’t let past experiences determine your future.

    Become an effective and honest communicator.
    You cannot selectively be a good communicator with some people and a terrible communicator with others. You are either someone who has the integrity and the courage to be heard and speak their mind honestly, or you are hanging on to a tendency to suppress, avoid, or silence communication. The good news is that communication patterns can be worked on and improved pretty much every second of your waking life. Ask yourself, "Am I honest and sincere with myself? Am I expressing myself in full integrity to what I truly think and feel?"

    Look for good role models.
    Role models matter greatly, because we learn from observing others starting the moment we were born. Even if you parents weren’t in the greatest marriage, you can look to other relationships that you admire and pick out the attributes you like the most. When observing couples you respect try and identify exactly how the couples supports each other. How do they speak to one another? How do they show each other love? By asking these questions, you are essentially increasing your awareness for the kind of relationships that do work, rather than having a running list of things you don’t want in your own love life.
  • Is it lust or love
    Whether you're in a relationship already or whether you're admiring someone from afar, sorting out your feelings can be a real challenge. While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction clearer for yourself.

    Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. You care for this person even knowing his or her faults. You are committed to sticking together even through the most difficult circumstances. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn't flatter you, and you know that your partner will accept you. Just know that there is no way to make a person love you however actions do speak louder than words. If you are the one always giving and getting very little in return. You might consider asking a trusted family member or friend that has your best interest at heart what they see. Most of the time those on the outside are more likely to see things that you don't because love is blind.

    Evaluate how secure you feel. You know that your partner will stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life.

    Think about how long you've been in the relationship. You have known the person for a long time, and you can't imagine life without him or her. You want to know everything about the person and want to spend time to get to know them on a deeper level.

    Observe how sex affects your feelings. After you have sex with your partner, you feel closer to him or her. For you, affection and post-coital cuddling are just as important as sex, although you love to keep the flame alive. Sex is not the most important part of your relationship and you would still want to be with them even if did not involve sex or you had to wait for them.

    Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. Something funny has happened to you at work, and you can't wait to tell your partner. Alternatively, you've had a bad experience, and you want to talk to someone who will understand. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then you may be in love. You have mutual respect for each other.

    Look at how you handle conflict. When you have an argument with your partner, you keep working until you're able to find some common ground. No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it's painful. Even if you don't agree with your partner you will always take their side and defend them in front of your family and friends.

    Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You feel comfortable with your partner, and you feel a strong bond of trust. Moving in together or getting married feels natural and logical. You want to introduce them to your family and friends.

    When you experience infatuation, your mind is consumed by thoughts of the other person. You're thinking not only about the other person but also about how you want to reveal yourself to the other person. You have an idealized vision of what this person is like, and your vision may or may not be accurate.

    Evaluate how secure you feel. Instead of feeling secure, you are thinking more about how to impress the other person. Your focus is on how to get the other person to like you, and you feel nervous because you don't know how the other person feels.

    Think about how long you've been in the relationship. Your relationship is pretty new, and while you're constantly thinking about the other person, you're not confident that he or she has what it takes to go the distance.

    Observe how sex affects your feelings. Sex is exciting, but you feel tentative afterward. You worry about whether your partner found you appealing, and you worry about what the next step after sex will be.

    Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. You think constantly about the way that the person smiles, the way he or she says your name or the way that your partner looks at you. You think obsessively about these details, and you try to decide how the person feels about you based on these somewhat trivial qualities.

    Look at how you handle conflict. The person you like disagrees with you, and you wonder if the relationship is over. You wonder whether you know the person at all or whether your impressions have been wrong all along.

    Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. You want to ask the person to date exclusively, but you're nervous about what he or she might say. You're afraid that asking for commitment may frighten the person away. Your feelings aren't deep enough for love; you're probably more in the realm of infatuation.

    If you're looking to catch someone as a prize or to get someone to go to bed with you, you're treating the person like a thing, and you're probably experiencing lust.

    Evaluate how secure you feel. Security isn't important to you; you're more interested in the score and in how great it feels to be physical together. After you get what you want, you can take or leave the other person.

    Think about how long you've been in the relationship. You may just be meeting the person you're interested in, or you may have known the person for a long time. In either situation, the relationship is more about fulfilling your sexual desires than it is about creating a partnership.

    Observe how sex affects your feelings. You have sex with the person, and even though it's great, your mind has already moved onto something else. You wonder how long you have to hold the person afterward, and you're already thinking about scoring your next sexual encounter. Or you only want to keep having sex with the person--at least, until somebody else comes along. You find them to be annoying or trying to manipulate you or make you feel guilty when they want more from the relationship. You can have sex with the person then not talk to them for days, weeks or months or until the next time you want sex with the person.

    Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. You're trying to figure out what you have to do to get this person to invite you up for a nightcap. Your focus is on knocking down the person's guard so that he or she will be open to a sexual encounter.

    Look at how you handle conflict. Who cares if you have an argument? You can find someone new without the hassle of bickering, fighting and drama. The sex is great, but it's not worth the baggage--unless it's make-up sex after one of those passionate arguments.

    Consider your feelings about moving the relationship forward. In reality, you couldn't care less about getting exclusive with your partner. You're satisfied to date other people, and you don't care if the other person also has multiple partners. Even though you may feel jealous if your lover finds another partner, your lack of commitment suggests lust, not love.

    Know that there will be bumps in the road. And if you're truly in love, it won't matter.

    Don't look for someone perfect, because no one is exactly perfect. The only perfect person is the perfect person for YOU.
    If there's an argument between you and your partner, give each other some space and time to think afterwards because if you ask multiple questions at the moment you will most likely get an answer you don't like (meaning your partner will say something he/she doesn't mean).

    Don't let that person try to change you.

    Don't rush into things or you will be getting hurt.

    Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely like your mate, you're going to be miserable.

    Don't expect the person to change for you.

    Sex can complicate your feelings. Be sure to have a firm grasp on how you feel beforehand.

    Do not marry out of pressure, ultimatums, feeling obligated, guilty, financial security, fear, or even for sex. You want to do it for the right reasons.

    Warnings

    Even if you think you love the other person, if that person doesn't return your feelings, don't waste too much time hoping that your love interest changes his or her mind. You'll have other opportunities to find someone who is ready to create a real and lasting partnership.
  • What is a soulmate
    In Plato's Symposium, he uses Aristophanes to give an explanation of why people in love say they feel "whole" when they have found their love partner.

    He begins by explaining that people must understand human nature before they can interpret the origins of love and how it affects the then present time. It is, he says, because in primal times people had doubled bodies, with faces and limbs turned away from one another. As somewhat spherical creatures who wheeled around like clowns doing cartwheels, these original people were very powerful. There were three sexes: the all male, the all female, and the "androgynous," who was half male, half female. The males were said to have descended from the sun, the females from the earth and the androgynous couples from the moon. The creatures tried to scale the heights of heaven and planned to set upon the gods. Zeus thought about blasting them to death with thunderbolts, but did not want to deprive himself of their devotions and offerings, so he decided to cripple them by chopping them in half, in effect separating the two bodies.

    Zeus then commanded Apollo to turn their faces around and pulled the skin tight and stitched it up to form the navel which he chose not to heal so Man would always be reminded of this event. Ever since that time, people run around saying they are looking for their other half because they are really trying to recover their primal nature. The women who were separated from women run after their own kind, thus creating lesbians. The men split from other men also run after their own kind and love being embraced by other men. Those that come from original androgynous beings are the men and women that engage in mutual love. Aristophanes then claims that when two people who were separated from each other find each other, they never again want to be separated. This feeling is like a riddle, and cannot be explained.

    A soulmate is a person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet -- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life, because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.
  • How to communicate more effectively
    Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your partner. You simply can't substitute honesty for anything in any relationship, romantic or not. Write things down, remember no one is perfect, and always try to find the happy medium. If no matter how hard you both try, you both can't find that happy medium, ask for an outside opinion or opinions from people who know you both well. Try to switch perspective with your partner, really try to understand where they are coming from and what they are actually trying to say. Real relationships take work and both partners have to hone each others' personalities to a fine point. If you can't communicate with each other, you are setting your relationship up to fail.
  • How can I get out of the friendzone
    Break the "nice guy" or "sweet girl" stereotype. Most guys and girls who find themselves in the "friend zone" are usually susceptible to many of the characteristics of the "nice guy" or "sweet girl" stereotype. This means pretty much someone who wants to avoid making other people uncomfortable at any cost, but does so usually at their own expense by not communicating their own needs. Where you're romantically attracted to someone, but you don't want to "pressure" them into a relationship, or "ruin" the friendship by expressing your interest or making a move, you'll end up holding back in a variety of ways. The trouble is, when you make other people's feelings more important than your own (instead of finding that happy balance), you're unconsciously communicating to people that your own feelings don't matter. This may make it seem like you have low self-worth, which is the opposite of confidence.

    While some people are attracted to ever agreeable mates, the person who assigned you to the "friend zone" probably is not. If nothing else, inaction tells the other person that you're simply not interested (chances are, even if they never felt attracted to you, they wondered about your intentions).

    Stop being needy. One of the reasons you might be interested in this person more than they're into you is because you are giving off signals that you really want to be in a relationship! You might be coming off as a little desperate, which is quite the attraction killer. You might be rushing things emotionally and maybe physically.You might also be placing this person on a pedestal, because you're so caught up in the idea of the relationship, that you're quick to assume this person is "perfect".

    Examine your own neediness. In one word, relax. There will always be many more encounters besides this one, so stop treating it like the last one you'll ever have. Also, don't force yourself to reveal your hopes for intimacy, let your actions display your confidence. Your demeanor should speak for itself.

    Think about the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship. If you think a romantic relationship should just be a great friendship with physical intimacy thrown into the mix, then it's understandable to look for common ground first, and wait for the physical attraction to kick in sooner or later. But not everyone sees relationships this way. Some people expect a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" to play a particular role in their lives in order for physical attraction to emerge. The person who you want to be more than friends with probably makes a bigger distinction between "friend" and "romantic partner" than you do. Realize that many people (both male and female) expect to be courted in some way. And many psychological issues play out in the relationship arena that don't ever arise in friendships. Some people, for example, look for a romantic partner who can play more of a parental role than a friend would.

    Figure out what the person you're pining for wants in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Then decide whether you want to be that for them.

    Note that some people are attracted to toxic relationships. If your love interests keeps getting involved with people who treat them badly, despite your advice, you might just have to accept that they're working through some issues. You could spend your entire life waiting for them to "see the light" or you could move on and find someone who actually (through their actions, not their words) wants a healthy relationship.

    Break the touch barrier. For many people, a big distinction between "friendship" and "relationship" is the way they touch. There are platonic ways to touch someone, and romantic ways, and the boundary is different for different people. But if you're terrified of touching someone the wrong way, to the extent that you hesitate and never touch them first, your intentions may be good but your "touch paralysis" isn't helping you at all in the romantic department. Take a few little "touch risks". Reach for their hands, hair, shoulders, ankles, and back. Don't just always wait for them to do it first. If they don't like it, they'll definitely let you know. But touching someone communicates to them that you find them attractive, and also that you're reasonably confident. Both of these things can make someone feel more attracted to you.

    Note that some people are very affectionate with their friends; the person you're interested in might be all about cuddling with you, and think nothing more of it than friendliness, while you feel like you're getting mixed signals. At some point the person you are interested in needs to give out or give in.

    Realize that you're "tying up" your feelings by staying friends with someone who isn't romantically interested in you. In the instance where you've already followed the previous steps and you've left your pushover habits behind, you've stepped up to role that he or she is looking for in a relationship, and you've crossed the touch barrier, but this person still wants to be "just friends", you'll need to make some hard decisions. Maybe they're simply not attracted to you, for reasons you'll never know. But you still have feelings for them. Is it wise to continue spending time with them?

    Consider that it'll be difficult to develop feelings for someone else if your feelings for this person are fueled every time you hang out. You'll struggle with feelings of jealousy and frustration when that person dates. Consider that even if you do manage to develop feelings for someone else, your heart might always be torn and confused, and it'll be hard to give your new flame your undivided affection.

    Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take the friendship down to the level of acquaintance. The person might feel offended, perhaps it will seem as if you don't value them as just a friend, but remember (and explain to them if necessary) that you can't control how you feel, just like they can't control how they feel, and you need to make room in your life and heart for someone who feels about you the way you feel about them.
  • Should I commit
    - Figure out why you want to commit;
    - Speak with your SO (significant other) about:
    - your chemistry/compatibility and on what commitment actually means to each other;
    - cheating/expectations
    - faith/spirituality
    - financial and secular goals (school/work, etc.)
    - sexual compatibility
    - whether commitment is the prelude to marriage for either of you
    - Figure out what you actually fear about commitment and what it means to both you and your SO.

    Based on your conversations, you should be able to gauge whether you want to commit to a relationship. Don't ignore your instincts and also don't only listen to your instincts.
  • How can I get him/her to commit
    Discuss your feelings and be someone you yourself would want to commit to.
  • When should sex be introduced to the relationship
    When both of you are financially and emotionally ready and able to support each other and possibly a child.
  • What to do when the other person cheats/is a cheater
    Decide if you want to be with a cheater and if you can live with your decision to be with them without resentment and without regrets.
  • When to call it quits
    When you don't love the other person &/or when loving them is destructive and painful to your emotional, financial, and physical well-being.
  • How to break up with someone
    Tell them directly, and make it absolute.

    Do not be a dog returning to its own vomit, Do not be a poop eater. They are out of your life, don't look back. Move on. Be as good to yourself as you can and keep your mind and heart occupied with other people and things. Take care of your health, exercise, be active.

    Change the phone ID for them to "[Insert bad memory association]" (hmm. examples: "DBag" "ChewsLoudly" "DonkeyLaugh" "SasquatchFeet")
  • How to get over a breakup
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
    - remember the bad times
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
    - do the things you couldn't do when you were in a relationship
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
    - hang out with your friends, especially the ones he/she hated
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
    - don't try to get your crap back
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
    - exercise/work out
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
    - remember the things about them that annoyed you
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
    - let your friends help you remember the bad things they said or did to you
    oh yeah, and...
    - DON'T CONTACT THEM
  • Work relationships
    Keep your work relationships at work, try not to become involved romantically at work. Relationships are hard enough without the extra stress you will be under for trying to pull a three-way balancing act.

    Workplace romantic relationships open you up to extreme scrutiny - how can you maintain balance on the job if you can't even control your raging hormones?

    Is it too late? If you are already entangled in a romantic relationship at work (please, don't be THAT person in the cliche boss/worker relationship), try to end it or most likely one of you will find yourself out of the job.

    If it is true love, the love of your life (80% usually aren't, totally made that statistic up, is anyone really reading this..sigh), then fight for the relationship.
  • School relationships
  • Online relationships
  • Long distance relationships
  • IRL relationships
  • Asexual relationships
  • LGBT relationships
  • Danger signs/Abusive/Unhealthy relationships
  • How to get over a death of a loved one
  • etc



Sources:

wikipedia.com
wikihow.com
urbandictionary.com
The Ancient Greeks' 6 Words for Love (And Why Knowing Them Can Change Your Life) by Roman Krznaric €” YES! Magazine
8 Things To Figure Out Before You Can Find True Love
 
Last edited:

Dirac

Guest
Jan 17, 2013
229
Toronto
There is an actual mathematical equation for love:


9x - 7i>3 (3x - 7u)
9x - 7i>9x - 21u
-7i>21u
7i<21u
i<3u

Third line is missing a negative sign :B
Also, not the answer I was looking for


hue <3
 

TurtleStrong

Clan Member
Aug 8, 2014
2,035
Colorado
Clan Rank
Sergeant Major of the Army
Sergeant Major

Of the Army
[MENTION=15]toki[/MENTION] I broke your test


0 Exclusively heterosexual.
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual.
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual.
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual.
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual.
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual.
6 Exclusively homosexual.
X Non-sexual.
F The test failed to match you to a Kinsey Type profile. Either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person
 
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