females = infuriating (1 Viewer)

sasabo

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Nov 22, 2013
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so to start off, i am fully aware i am going to get alot of flack for this post, but i dont mind at this point.

i am startign to get frustrated and furious with females who sit there and let a male abuse them either physical mentally or emotionally. i cant stand for that shit. now what upsets me is the fact that these females are friends of mine so i talk with them, i console them, i help them air their greivenses. then i get hit with the most stupides of shit..... FOR DEFFINENTLY NOT THE LAST TIME. i got told today, "i wish i had a man like you, just not you personally." why do females do this. i get told i have an amazing personality i get told i am very caring. yet for me finding a female that wants me in this manner is next to impossible.

also, let teh hate filled comments ensure.
 

sparkis

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Oct 1, 2016
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Sorry to disappoint you but you will get not hate from me for this issue. I'm also sorry to disappoint you that it seems that you're after a female perspective and sadly that is not one that I can give.

What I can tell you is that I sympathise with your situation. I've been in your very situation many-a-time before, though not so much nowadays. However, it's a very complicated, multi-faceted problem with, if I'm to be frank, no right answer.

There are a multitude of issues to consider.

The first is the obvious and direct question you raised yourself, why are there women that "let" themselves get physically, mentally or emotionally abused by men. I've put the "let" in quotes for a reason. More on that later. However, as for the question itself, I've learned from experience that it's a trap question for men, in a similar vein to "Does this make me look fat?". There is no right answer and even if you did have the right answer, the only acceptable answer is a canned response. In this case it's, "I'm not a woman, so I can't say".

The thing I find more interesting is not why women "let" themselves get abused but the corollary to that question - why are men abusing women in this fashion? Why are you frustrated at the women for being abused and not the abuser for not only doing the act but giving our gender a bad name? Why is it the woman's fault? One could consider that point of view as victim blaming.

Bear in mind there are two sides to this issue, so why isn't the other side being addressed? Have you offered to speak to these men to find out why they were so abusive for example? It's a rhetorical question but I hope you can see where this is going.

Then there's the age old dilemma of the "nice guy" syndrome. I take it that you are a reasonably young fellow? In my youth I'd thought much the same as you - I have female friends, they get along with me and I am kind and considerate and always there to comfort them and then they say those piercing words - why can't men be more like you? However, over time I've since learned what the nice guy syndrome is about at its core - it's part ignorance and part entitlement.

I'm being nice and considerate and caring. I spend the time to listen to women's problems. I console them and empathise with them. Why do they always go for the men that hurt and abuse them? They all say that they want to meet a guy like me. Why don't they like ME? Why won't they go out with ME? Why do the jerks get all the women and why is it ME that's left without anyone?

Here is perhaps a difficult question you should perhaps ask yourself sometime - are you being nice and considerate solely because that's how you are and that's what the situation calls for or perhaps because you think that this is your way into a potential relationship? Are they coming to you, not because they find this quality in you as attractive (but not enough to explore a more personal relationship) but because you have utility as a crutch to make themselves feel better.

Allow me to relay a story to you. Tell me if this sounds familiar.

There was a women I was friends during my high school years. We were never more than friends, mutually so, but we were otherwise close. She went out with another close friend of mine for a while but she broke up with him in a really bad way when she moved to another state. We would catch up when she would come to town. She would talk about this relationship she's having with some new guy she met. It would be an on-again, off-again situation. He was really disrespectful to her but she kept going for him. You know the story.

I would do what we men think is the reasonable and nice thing to do, which is to console and offer advice on how to deal with the situation or move on. Each time she would listen, nod and agree. Every time she would come back into town, the same thing would occur. More stories of the same person being on-again, off-again. more consolation, more advice etc. Every time we met.

I thought about it for a while and then it dawned on me. She actually didn't care at all for anything advice that I had to give her. I had mistaken my role as advisor. My role was to be a crutch; to feed her ego and specific need to draw sympathy and compassion from me for all the troubles she had with this person.

This went of for a bit until I told her one time point blank in a calm but frank manner "I'm wasting my time giving you advice because you're not going to take any of it? I'm supposed to just listen and say things like "that's too bad" or "I'm so sorry to hear it". "I'm your crutch, aren't I?". She thought for a moment and nodded sheepishly. It was then I'd realised through all our conversations, it was all about her and what was going on with her and not that much with me. While that day went on pretty normally after that, I've not heard from her since then. I'm not at all sorry that this was the case. A person that uses you in such a fashion is no person I'd ever want to associate with in any serious manner.

If this sounds very familiar to you, you may want to consider what your relationship is with these people. They may all be fine and perfectly good friends but it's something to consider none the less.

One last thing to ponder. Perhaps a question to ask these women. What is attractive and desirable of these men? Could it be their physical attractiveness? Physical strength or physique? Financial or social status? Assertiveness? They asked? Could the abusive situation be just a case of bad luck? If the situation is more chronic, why is that the case?

As I said in the beginning, no hate here. You do have my sympathies. I've walked that path before and asked those very same questions. Just be clear on what your role is with these women. Hopefully not as a crutch (well, unless you want to...). Try not to victim blame where possible. Also, maybe rethink the whole nice guy thing. There is a reason why they finish last.
 
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Jam

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Dec 26, 2015
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Females are complicated creatures. They look pass this perfect guy just to go for some douchebag. You might want to call them out what she said. She might have feelings for you, or she might not. For me, I've meet some guys who have a nice personality and great looks but I genuinely see them as a friend. There are some guys who I think are great people but I'm just not physically attracted to them. I've never been in your situation so I don't know what to tell you. Don't change for anyone else though.

Also, men are less infuriating than women. (; It's more blissful really. You don't have to deal with "women problems."
 
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Idolator

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Nov 6, 2015
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Damn you [MENTION=72598]sparkis[/MENTION] damn you I say. Not only did you make me feel like I was reading a book, but that hit right in the 'feels'.

Besides what [MENTION=72598]sparkis[/MENTION] said, which I agree, also consider yourself in all of this. She might be attracted to that person because of a specific character trait, a trait that you might lack.
Never think that you are good enough, you are not, you can be better, always keep developing your personality by looking inside yourself and changing what you don't like, and keeping what you do like. In time you'll be happy with who you are, as a person, and that will change the way you view the rest of the world and how the world views you. With that you might (and no guarantees here, since I'm still looking myself xD) actually find someone who likes you for who you are and wants to be with you.

With that said I've know a lot of guys that called themselves 'Nice Guys' but (like spakis said) they were just being nice because they were attracted to that girl and wanted to have a relationship with her if she ever broke up with the other guy.
 

sparkis

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Oct 1, 2016
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[MENTION=58059]Idolator[/MENTION] sadly, brevity is not my strong suit :)

There's a quote from a book that I was forced to read in high school that comes to mind in situations like this:

"Better a small hurt now than a wasted life".

So, yeah. Sorry about the feels :)
 

Gyorn

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Excellent post there [MENTION=72598]sparkis[/MENTION]!
Other than that, women are difficult to understand sometimes (I guess the same counts the other way around often enough)... I know it from my 2 here^^
 

Hemera

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Jun 14, 2016
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Ooh i bet we are i love confussing guys with my Its fine u can do it :dontfeedmods2zw:
 

sparkis

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[MENTION=69235]Hemera[/MENTION] That's just cruel. Poor guys... :)
 

Kindred Spirit R

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Aug 25, 2016
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I think its always going to be in manga. Its, in my opinion, one of the easiest ways to produce drama and depict a clear sense of right and wrong. Also, a girl that fought back would have some character to her.

What you might be complaining about is the lack of character depth mangakas put into their manga.

No one's pushing the bottom line. The tales of demons and gods/ against the gods/ legendary moonlight sculptor light novels im reading now are something that I enjoy but can say, don't have much for planning and depth (more often then not, things just pop into existence because the story requires them aka not because it was part of the original design, making it disjointed). Two of those are mangas now with the third likely to become one eventually. ATG ranks higher than TDG and LMS.

Things are written because they 'need' to be there, making ppl just pick what's easy and convenient at the time to fulfill the requirement. Abuse = easy to wright about. Abuse + resistance = murky/ harder to write about.

When you stand up for yourself, its starts to balance the scales. Did you resist too much? How much is enough? What's right and wrong now?

The equation x(wrong) - y(right) = moral high ground?, where y>x makes y=x :p cause taking justice too far makes it wrong
 

Kindred Spirit R

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Aug 25, 2016
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Women look to reconfirm what they believe is true and what their self-conscious self says that is. A douche-bag can do this easily and to the twisted sense of a woman who doesn't know her own value, becomes an honest guy. There are very few men capable of crushing that world with light, kindness, ability, strength and dedication... Men just aren't groomed to do it in this equalist/feminist world that glosses over the difference between men and woman.

It takes so much to pull a girl out of that world and sometimes she never really leaves it. But then, maybe one can understand the power of love and true love that makes it happen.
 
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TurtleStrong

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Women look to reconfirm what they believe is true and what their self-conscious self says that is. A douche-bag can do this easily and to the twisted sense of a woman who doesn't know her own value, becomes an honest guy. There are very few men capable of crushing that world with light, kindness, ability, strength and dedication... Men just aren't groomed to do it in this equalist/feminist world that glosses over the difference between men and woman.

It takes so much to pull a girl out of that world and sometimes she never really leaves it. But then, maybe one can understand the power of love and true love that makes it happen.
What do you mean by "MEn just aren't groomed to do it in this equalist/feminist world" exactly? Honestly, as a result of this world I have become far fucking better as a human being of being able to show people their value because I was shown mine by this "equalist/feminist world" where Iw as taught to value my own feelings and emotions/wellbeing.
 

Kindred Spirit R

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Aug 25, 2016
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What do you mean by "MEn just aren't groomed to do it in this equalist/feminist world" exactly? Honestly, as a result of this world I have become far fucking better as a human being of being able to show people their value because I was shown mine by this "equalist/feminist world" where Iw as taught to value my own feelings and emotions/wellbeing.
Go read a cosmopolitan and tell me what you've learned from it. Then compare it to a boy's equivalent and tell me where they're supposed to learn the same amount? but for their gender. Be a person good or bad, the amount of 'advice' they have access to while growing up is vastly different based on their gender. You can't learn what you need from friends your own age to pass through the trials of manhood. You need someone who's been there to show you where the door is.

Parents having gone to work, the community going to shit, and family that lives apart. Those things are very common in today's society and add, on average, to worsen the situation.

I support women's rights and everything they want to do. I don't, however, support the approach and mentality of "I can do what you can do." One should never be doing something because of someone else, they need to do it for their own convictions and mindset.
 

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